Twilight SpotlightPeace. Love. Dazzling Vampires

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I stood at the refridgerator now, looking for food. I hadnt cooked at all in the last month or so. Charlie had been going out to eat. I found leftovers from the diner downtown. I got the box and a plate. Putting the food over on the plate I slid in the microwave and let it heat up. It was my cheeseburger from the day before that I hadnt eaten.

The microwave went off and I pulled the plate out and went back up the stairs to my room. Charlie was at work and so I was alone. I ate my food and sat the plate on my desk along with my school work. Looking at all the work that had accumulated, I sighed as I sat and began to work on all the stuff I had missed. I finished over half of the work and was happy with the way it kept my mind off him. Then, I got to the Biology work I had missed. I remembered the way he had acted toward me that day and seeing his family in the cafeteria the first day at Forks High and thinking to myself how gorgeous they were. Remembering the week he was gone after the first day in Biology was painful because it reminded me he was gone again, never to return. I remembered his face then. The crooked smile. The pools of liqud butterscotch. The clear and perfect skin, blemish free. I remembered the feel of his bronze, dissarayed hair beneath my fingertips whenever we kissed. The coldness of his body against mine when he pulled me close. A small smile came across my face but was replaced with a frown. I loved the memories like this but they also hurt me. The fact that I would never see that crooked smile and butterscotch eyes, or feel the smoothness of his hair or the coldness of hos body again. And that made all the progress I had made earlier in the day to fade.

I almost fainted when I heard the velvet voice in the room with me. I turned to my closed window and looked around seeing no one. But the voice. It was still here. “Go out. Have fun.” it said. I closed my eyes imagining the owner of that voice..imagining he was still here. I could almost feel his cold hands cradling my face. I could smell the intoxicating scent of his breath. I opened my eyes to find myself still alone. I had to do something. I closed my books and went out of my room.

Running down the stairs, I grabbed the phone off of its dock and dialed a number. Jessica Stanley. I heard the ring on the other end of the line and slammed the phone back down.No not yet. Im not ready  for that yet. I paced around next to the phone. I looked at the clock. Charlie would be home soon and he’d be hungry.

I ran to the cabinet and opened it, taking out some noodles and a can of spaghetti sauce. I looked under the counter and found a nice sized pot and filled it about halfway with water and cut the stove on and sat the pot down. Finally, the water came to a boil and I dumped the noodles in and set the timer for 10 minutes.

I ran to the fridge and grabbed a can of beer and opened it, sitting it in front of Charlie’s spot. I got a class from the cabinet and got some water for me. The timer went off and I rushed to turn it off and got the drainer and dumped the noodles in it over the sink. I sat them there, letting them drain and got the saucepan out and put it on the stove. I poured the sauce in and ran to the drawer to grab a spoon to stir the sauce so it wouldnt burn and stick to the pan. It didnt take long for the sauce to heat up. Darn. No garlic bread. I ran to the other cabinet, closer to the fridge, and pulled out the loaf bread. I got two peices and popped them in the toaster. After they were done i put some butter on them.

I got our plates and put some noodles and sauce on them, followed by bread. I saw the lights from the cruiser come into the driveway as I was cleaning up the excess mess. I heard Charlie fiddling with his keys as I placed the plates down. When he walked in I greeted him with a small smile.

“Hi Dad.”

“Hi, Bells. What’s all this about?”

“Oh I thought that cooking dinner would be good for me.”

“Oh to get your mind of…them.”

“What?”

“Well I just thought you might mean to keep your mind off the..um..Cullens.”

“Can’t I just do something nice for my father without it having to do with them?!?” I asked trying to cover up the fact that he was utterly and completely right.

“Sorry Bells, you just havent been the same and I miss you.”

I looked at Charlie. I didnt know why I was acting like this. He hadnt done anything to me but care.

“Well Im sorry too..Its not my fault. I cant just get over him. This place just has so many memories.”

“Well that’s what I thought too..so um..I called your mother.”

“You did what?!” I asked, my voice rising just a bit.

“Well I called her to take you back with her for a bit..just to let you calm down from all this.”

“IM NOT GOING WITH HER! YOU CANNOT MAKE ME LEAVE! I WILL BE HERE IF HE COMES BACK!” I yelled across the table standing up.

“Bella, he wont come back. I wish you would just see that and move on.”

“You dont know what you are talking about!” I retorted.

I turned around and ran up the stairs to my room. I heard Charlie yell something like ‘This isnt good for you and you know it’, but I chose to ignore him. I wasnt going to make this any worse than it already was. I slammed the door, unintentionally, but Charlie never came up and for that I was glad.

I went over and took off my shoes and threw myself on the bed and pulled the covers over my head. I laid there for a while before the darkness of sleep overtook me. The dream came slowly but got sharper and clearer it went by. I saw the figure, dark at first. It was in the shadows and I was walking cautiously to it. It stepped closer to me and into the sun. My hand flew to my face as the figure started to shine like a million diamonds. I knew at once it was Edward and ran toward him. The dream was so real.

“You came back!” I heard myself scream to him.

“No Bella, Im not really here.” The velvet voice came out harsh and cold. I stepped back.

“Wha-What do you mean? You came back to me just like I hoped you would. Oh Im just so happy you’re here. I-”I said before I let my emotions overtake me. I stepped closer to him now and wrapped my arms tightly around him and felt the coolness of his hands on my shoulders. I laid my head on his chest and didnt realize I was crying until I woke up to my room.

I looked at the clock. It was 6:30 am. I had slept through the night. Getting up out of bed, I went downstairs only to find my mother and father sitting at the table talking. About me, I assumed.

“Oh hi Bells.” I heard Charlie say.

“Um hi.” I said stepping toward the table.

“Hi Bella.” I looked toward my mom as she spoke.

“Hi mom.” I said with a slight smile going to sit at the table. “What’s this all about?”

“Well Bella,” my mother started, “I think you should come back with me.”

“Now Bells, before you just say no, just think about it. Please?” I looked at Charlie as he spoke.

“No! Im not going. I told you last night Im not going anywear.” I said with an irritated tone.

“But baby, you need to get away from here for a while. Me and Phil have a new home you’ll love. You’re room is ready for you to move in.”

“I dont want to go! Why cant you all just stop! Im not leaving and that’s final.” I yelled as I got up.

“Now Bella…why cant you just think about this?”  Charlie asked.

“Because there is /nothing to think about. He /will/ come back. He will.” I said iritably.

“Bella.” Charlie started off calmly. “How many times do I have to tell you? He’s not coming back, Bells. Why dont you just move on? There are other guys. What about Mike Newton, he’s always had an eye for you. Then of course there’s Jacob Black, he’s a nice boy.”

“What did you just say?!?” I asked, my eyes starting to get wider. I could feel the anger rushing through me now. ” MIKE OR JACOB?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME DAD? MIKE?!?!?” I closed my eyes and breathed in. I needed to calm down. I felt the tears as the started to fall down my face.  “Never mention him again, dad. I love Edward and /only/ Edward. I dont want any other guy. Its not that simple dad.” I screamed through my tears. I couldnt handle this right now.With that I turned to my mother. “Im sorry you had to come all the way out here just to go back without me, but I cant leave. I wont leave.”

My mother went silent and I knew she was hurt. I couldnt help it. I wasnt going to leave and she couldnt make me.

I stormed off to my room. I didnt listen to the rest of their conversation. I heard the goodbye and the door close. Hearing the footsteps of Charlie coming up to my room, I laid on the bed and turned away from the door.

“Um hey Bells.” he said as he walked in.

I didnt say anything or move.

“Well I just wanted to let you know that Im going fishing with Billy tomorrow and would really prefer if you weren’t home alone.”

“Alright, Ill call Jessica or Angela.”  I said still laying there.

“Okay you go and do that.” he said walking out of the room.

I sat up and got my phone from my nightstand. I dialed Jessica’s number and put the phone to my ear. It rang and rang unil I heard the high pitched voice on the other end of the reciever.

“Hi.”

“Hi, Jess.”

“Oh Bella, I wasnt sure who it was at first..I havent heard from you in a while.”

“Yeah I know, Im sorry about that.”

“Its fine. So um what’s up?”

“Oh I was wandering if you had plans tomorrow.”

“Oh yeah me and Angela are going out with the guys.”

“Oh..”

“You can come if you want.”

“Im fine, but thanks anyway.”

“Okay well bye Bella.”

“Bye Jess.” I said hanging up the phone.

I went down to the living room and saw Charlie watching some ball game on TV.

“Hey dad, um Jess and Angela are both busy.”

“Oh okay..umm how about you come down to La Push with me then. You can hang out with the kids down there and go swimming or something.”

“I guess..” I said turning around and walking out of the room. I turned around, “Im sorry I yelled earlier dad.”

“Its all right, Bells.”

“Love you dad.”

“Love you too. Now go get some rest.”

I went up to my room and crawled in bed. I needed rest after earlier. I drifted off to sleep as the velvet voice hummed my song softly. The day ahead of me would be long and hard, but I would have to get through it.
It didnt hit me until he turned and dissapeared leaving me in the woods alone, that he had gone. My angel was gone..leaving me with nothing. That’s what I had in the world now. Nothing. He was gone and would never come back.

Part of me wanted to understand his reason for doing what he did to me, but I just couldnt comprehend it. I guess it was my love for him. I guess that was my moving force behind how I was able to be with him and accept him for who and what he was.

I laid there under the covers. They were my security now. My shield from the outside world. They had his scent on them still from the nights when he came and watched me sleep.

My curtains were drawn. I wanted no light whereas mine was gone.
My schoolwork was piled up on my desk from the past few days I had missed. I had no drive or desire to do anything. I was so different now, even to myself. I barely left my room anymore. I knew I would have to face my classmates again eventually, but I wasnt ready right now.

I wasnt sure if I would really ever be entirely ready, but I will deal with that soon enough.

I felt the covers around me and let the rest of the world just melt away. I closed my eyes and felt as the darkness of entering sleep overcame me.

It had been nearly two months now. The days went by slowly but I managed somehow. There was still something there. It was like the flame of a candle, it was intense when Edward was here but now that he was gone, it was slowly going out. Slowly but surely. I thought it would go out a lot sooner, that I’d be totally unable to make contact with anyone ever again. I could still talk to Charlie but not very much, he didnt understand. I barely called or emailed my mom. She didnt understand either. No one did. I never spoke to Jessica or Mike or Angela and Eric. They were all happy with each other but I was alone now.

I pushed the covers away from me and slung my legs around and slid off the bed. I still had those stupid human needs. The ones that made me so different from my love. The things about me that ended up driving him away. Why couldnt I just be like them? Why wouldnt he change me? My eyes watered as I made my way to the door, opening it and running to the bathroom. I closed the door and went to the mirror. I needed a shower. Bad. My hair was all greasy and tangled. My eyes red and puffy with purplish circles under them. I had been in the same clothes for the past three days.
Going over to the shower, I started the water. I got undressed and got in. I washed my hair with my favorite strawberry shampoo and let the air fill with the smell of it. It calmed me down. I finished quite quickly and got out and dried off. In my towel, I ran back to my room in search of clothes. I found some faded jeans and a plain t-shirt. Alice would not approve. But then again, she was gone too. I grabbed my converse and some socks. Slipping the socks on and putting the shoes on, I went back to the bathroom  to blow-dry my hair. I found the blow dryer under the cabinet and plugged it in.

The warm air  blew my hair in every direction, but it felt good. My hair was now warm on my neck and face. It felt good to be dressed and clean and out of my room for a change. I went downstairs to fix something to eat but when I walked down the stairs, the memories started again.

I remembered standing in the forest all alone wanting to cry but forcing the tears back. I remembered hoping he would come back and say it was all a sick joke. And most of all I remember that never happening.

I came to only to find myself sitting on the stairs, crying. I picked myself up. I couldnt continue on like this. Could I? No. I had to do something. I could think of nothing I wanted to do more than to go back to my bed and curl up under my comforter and sleep. I wanted to sleep. To be away from everything and everyone. I could trust no one now. How would I know they wouldn’t just leave me one day just like Edward had? I couldnt ever be so sure of someone again. I see the consequences of putting your whole trust and confidence and love into someone. It got me here. A situation where I could think of nothing but him and the things he said in the woods that day. Thinking of him and his family.Thinking of Alice and Jasper and how much this affected them.

These thoughts were so normal for me now that I had learned to deal with them. I wasnt one to call someone on the phone and pour my heart out to them. I am very much like my dad in that way.

I stood at the refridgerator now, looking for food. I hadnt cooked at all in the last month or so. Charlie had been going out to eat. I found leftovers from the diner downtown. I got the box and a plate. Putting the food over on the plate I slid in the microwave and let it heat up. It was my cheeseburger from the day before that I hadnt eaten.

The microwave went off and I pulled the plate out and went back up the stairs to my room. Charlie was at work and so I was alone. I ate my food and sat the plate on my desk along with my school work.